Job Hunt

Ugh. I'm really hating looking for a job... its not just the rejection letters, but the whole process. I can imagine it is a lot easier when you have a specific profession in mind with a solid resume full of experience. But when you only have a vague notion of the profession, and have a woefully lacking resume, it can be downright depressing to even get started.

But this isn't just a blog to whine about the hunt.... but to reflect on the importance of work and being productive.


The last 2 months have been some of the least productive in my adult life, and I can honestly say I don't know how people endure it. I remember growing up around people who were on welfare, or people who had been retired for a number of years, and I don't know how people can get by with that. There is such a lack of purpose, such an emptiness, and such a sense of failure as a human being. Its not just the male role of being the bread winner, but some sense of purpose as a part of the human race. This is a very biblical principle after all.

I remember thinking fondly of this type of time off, and I know for sure that most would look on my last 2 months with envy. But the reality is that in a nation that is suffering financially, jobs being cut, and being a young married couple with lots of bills and loans, it is overwhelming and difficult not to panic.

But I don't want this blog to be all dark and whiny...
Having such a sense of emptiness and useless has caused me to notice all the more those things that I should value the most. Not only small things like ministry and friends, but most importantly my beautiful and loving wife. She has been so patient with me, has yet to nag me about the job thing, has yet to complain when she goes to work each morning and I'm sitting at the computer, and has yet to show any jealousy over my responsibility-free life.

But even more important than her is the fact that I know God will provide. He has already provided, and I know he will continue. More than that I know I need to keep relying on his strength and guidance. That can sound cliche, but it is certainly times like this when faith is challenged, and what we /really/ believe shines through, not just the propositions we half heartedly affirm. So I hope that I can look back on this time in my life and praise the Lord that I held firm to the faith, and continued to follow him and trust him.

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Love/Hate Relationship Part 4

The 4th thing I hate about SoCal is the big city life. This is literally directed at the fact that LA and its suburbs cover so much land that SoCal is mostly made of concrete. It is ugly, smoggy, dirty, and busy. But more so, LA is a large city, and with that comes all of the blessings and curses of a large city. Traffic, fast paced life, impatience, frustration, and so on. There is also the culture of the big city, where everyone pursues extravagance, and everyone tries to cram as many things (whether productive or entertainment) into their days.

But I also love the big city. There are so many opportunities that I missed in Ga. that the big city offers. Not just shopping opportunities, but also music and culture. There are lots of fascinating events that take place, fancy movie theaters, concerts, and a great diversity of people. Since I came to California, I’ve seen over a half dozen amazing concerts that would not have stopped anywhere near where I lived in Ga. There is also a lot more talent in this area. It is just mind boggling how many kids are talented in some form of art or production, whether college or high schooled aged. Back east, I do not remember anywhere near this degree of talent. Further, there are so many unique and interesting people. So many varying backgrounds, cultures, and perspectives on life. It can be overwhelming and exhilarating at the same time.

So that is part 4 of why I love and hate SoCal.
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Things I forgot to take to summer camp

Inevitably, I always forget to take things on trips. This year for summer camp, I did alright, but I still forgot a few important (funny?) ones:

• Money for a shower (results in interesting smells)
  
• Extra pair of shorts (also results in interesting smells)
• Beach towel (fun times drying off after shower with a sandy towel)
• Chair (I like to sit on ground anyway)
• Watch (because phone doesn't get reception)
• Sunscreen (yay for blistering sunburns)
• Real sleeping bag (Marcy's kid sized one just can't cut it)
• Audio adapters (Needed for sound system, fortunately we were able to rig up an alternative)
• Hat (also helps with sunburn, and keeps hair from whipping eyeballs while riding the buss)

So lessoned learned... maybe....
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Back

I'm back from a crazy fast paced week with Bridges youth camping out at the beautiful Lake Lopez.

It is so disorienting being back, trying to figure out whether or not I want to fall back into the inevitable "routine" of life.

It is also annoying because for whatever reason, all of my sunburns from the week decided to start hurting the moment I got home. Most of them are your standard "oops I forgot to put sunscreen there" burns. However, my feet are the most impressive: they are bright red on the tops from Tuesday @ the beach. Because of how bad that burn was, I decided to stay barefooted for most of the week (so my feet collected a nice layer of dirt). The dark brown and bright red were rimmed with the pale white where neither burn nor dirt had touched.

The best part though was Friday, during one of the games one of the staff accidentally tripped over my feet several times. This ripped off a few layers of skin, adding to the already beautiful collage that is my feet.

Fun times :)

I'll write more about this week tonight at work.
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Love/Hate Relationship Part 3

This probably should have been my first blog. After all, anyone who knows me knows I complain about LA weather almost on a daily basis. Its so ugly. Its all the same. Always warm, sometimes hot. It never rains, and when it does, it is the most pitiful excuse for rain. Californians thrive in boring weather, and they run in terror at interesting weather (and make sure to complain about it too). I love a little bit of snow each year, lots of rain, and especially 4 distinct seasons. In California the seasons are:

Summer: Hot
Fall: Hotter, with fires
Early Winter: Warm
Winter: Warm (some days cool), with a little bit of rain
Spring: Warm, getting hot

LA is also a desert, but we have artificially made it green. I remember hiking up a mountain, and seeing a big yellow valley, with square patches of green. It was very ugly and sad.

What do I love?

Summer’s aren’t as humid as in Georgia. It can get very hot, but it is no where near as miserable as I remember on the east coast. The consistent weather can be nice, because it is easier to plan outdoor events. Although I miss rain and thunderstorms, I do not miss those 6 week stretches of rain. I have a feeling I probably enjoy the constant “paradise” temperatures more than I realize. I am sure I will miss it (only a bit) if we move.


So that’s part 3 of why I love and hate SoCal.
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Love/Hate Relationship Part 2

The second reason why I hate SoCal is its culture. I remember watching TV as a kid, and shows like “Saved by the Bell”, while interesting, just seemed odd. The kids ideals, the problems they struggled with, and their culture were so foreign and unattractive. Living out here for 8 years has not changed that perception. I will never understand the “surfer” cult, nor find its lifestyles and aspirations (what few there are) appealing. I cannot stand the “indi” cult. It is ugly, encourages bad art, and reminds me all to much of my adolescent attitudes. Further, the Hollywood cult is equally repulsive. Seeing what extravagant lifestyles these people live is sickening. It is not because I am envious and want that life, but because they have so much and are so empty. Further, they really do not produce much of anything of lasting value. So much of what comes out of Hollywood is filth, either because it is immoral, but mostly because it lacks any substance and is so commercialized. There are very few films or TV anymore that are genuinely good art.

Finally, I am tired of being uncomfortable because I cannot speak Spanish. I have no problem being a minority in SoCal, but it bugs me so much how so many people out here refuse to assimilate. This is America, English is our language. It is frustrating to know that if I have to find a retail job, it will be difficult just because I am not bilingual. It is frustrating to realize that there is at least a chance that if somebody hits me on the road, they might drive off because they do not have a license. But more than that, it is frustrating to be around people who have so much they do not know what to do with it, and seeing so many more who have almost nothing and are content with the scraps they do have.


I do however love SoCal because it is a great place to do ministry. There are so many strong churches in the area. I have a friend back east who cannot find a good church. His criteria are like mine, and are very basic. Biblically centered teaching, authentic worship, and a heart for ministry and discipleship. These are so basic, but so few churches get it right. For whatever reason, (perhaps the number of good Christian universities?) there are a number of very solid churches out here.

Additionally, there are a plethora of ministry opportunities. Back east, our ministry outreaches were washing people’s cars. Out here, there are so many opportunities to serve people in real need. I am at a church that gives me plenty of opportunities to teach (and to fail at it so that I can learn and grow), opportunities with music, leadership, discipleship, mentorship, and so on. One of the biggest problems with larger churches is they have a large enough congregation to recruit only the best for ministries. This seems counter intuitive, there should always be enough opportunities for available talent, but for whatever practical reason, this is not always the case. But it is exciting to be a part of a church that values its entire body, and pushes hard to get everyone involved. I have grown so much as a result of this, where if I had been in another church back east, I might not have grown at all.

So that’s part 2 of why I love and hate SoCal.
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A love/hate thing with California

I've decided to do a 5 part series on things I love and things I hate about living in SoCal.

The first reason why I hate living in SoCal is the drivers. I'm sure every big city has its host of bad drivers, but in my mind drivers out here are the worst. I have to admit, it is kind of nice that there is the unspoken rule (well, not quite so unspoken) that everyone drives 10 over. I still get nervous around police, but when they are obviously cruising at 15-20 over, I guess its not that big of a deal. But SoCal drivers are some of the most arrogant and reckless drivers around. I get overwhelmed with the most powerful anger whenever I am cutoff by somebody weaving through dense traffic, or think its just funny to drive on the shoulder to pass you on an on ramp.

Its not just that people are arrogantly pursuing the futile goal of getting just one more care ahead, but its the fact that their doing so not only slows down traffic (as everyone breaks to avoid an accident), but also endangers lives. And worse, when there is an accident (which is very frequent), that slows everyone down even more. And all of this is for the sake of getting someplace faster, which in the end this kind of recklessness only shaves seconds off of your arrival time. I'll be addressing this more later, but it is an attitude of entitlement, an attitude of selfishness, and an attitude of... stupidness. :)

I've been in so many close calls where somebody was acting foolishly, and its only by the grace of God that I have yet to have an accident out here. My wife can attest to this though, every time I get in any kind of traffic, I am a very angry person. Such emotions of frustration and even hatred wash over me, and it really surprises me how intense these can get.

Although this is unrelated to the drivers, stop lights definitely do not help my attitude. It seems like you hit almost every one when you are running late, and many of these are for old ladies to cross the street, or one car to make a left turn.

The first reason why I love living in SoCal is family, friends, and church.

Right now, I only have an uncle out here (who I really wish I made a greater effort to get to know better), but most of Marcy's immediate family is still only a short drive away. I still have not grown as close to them as Marcy has to my family, but they are my family, and I do love them. If/when we move, I will miss being close to them, even though I do not always take advantage of their close proximity.

I also have a number of good friends out here. I'd wager that I have more close friends out here than I ever did in Ga. I've also plugged into a church that I feel is unique. It definitely has its share of problems, but the leadership seems to really "get it" about some of the more important things, and it is a solid community that is ministry focused, and biblically centered. These are such basic qualities that should be a part of the church, but many churches fall short today.

I've often been afraid that if/when we move, we'll be hard pressed to find a church as strong and vibrant. Its such a great balance where we are at, the community is small enough that you can easily know many people in the body, and large enough that we are able to undertake some ambitious ministry and missions tasks. It is also nice (and frustrating) to be in a community where you do not have to be an expert in your field to be needed / used.

So that's part 1 of what I love and hate about living in SoCal.

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My addiction to World of Warcraft.

I have spent far to many hours of my life playing this wonderful temptation. I refuse to post how many actual game days I have spent since I started playing 10 months ago, but I freely admit that number is high.

What is it that attracts me so much to this game?

It is such a detailed and immersive world. Even though I've seen a lot of it several times, I just cannot get enough of it. There is always more to do. I have leveled two characters to 70. It takes a good 6-7 days of play to get to 70 (note this is game days: in other words, 7x24 hours of play). This part is fun enough, and because of the size of the world, I ran a lot of new quests the second time around. Once you hit 70, you may think the game is over, (at least until the expansion comes out next year). However, this is far from true. First, you need to start getting better gear in order to run the heroic dungeons. This takes a decent amount of time. You'll also be finishing up quests to get more money, and start running dailies (which you will probably run for a very long time just to get money). On top of this, you'll have to grind rep for a number of factions, in order to get better gear. After having run them a number of times, you should be close enough to start the raiding content. This is where the game is taken to a whole new level. Now, you get together 10 buddies, (and later on 25) and tackle the most difficult dungeons. There are half a dozen "end-game" raids that progress in difficulty. The latter 2/3 require a good month or so each for a group to get good enough in order to actually complete. You also have to progress through these in a specific order, because each new raid is increasingly difficult, and requires better gear.

So.. needless to say, there is a lot that I find attractive. If I ever hit a place where I never had a new goal to achieve, I would probably drop the game. But that likely will never happen.

I feel rather guilty, because the reality is there are plenty of other things I can do with my time that would be far more productive. I heard a girl once lament that so many future Christian leaders were wasting away their lives at games like World of Warcraft, and this certainly is not far off from the truth.

But, for what it is worth, here is how I justify it. The reality is, we already live in a culture that is addicted to entertainment. I know from experience that the time I play WoW is time that I would have spent watching TV, or bumming around on the net. I really wish that we could have counters on our TV's that said how many hours they have been on, and I think we would be severely humbled by those numbers. I've heard numbers as high as 4-5 hours a day for most young adults.

Although this is far from substantial, I have learned from this game. I think some of my teamwork skills, leadership skills, and communication skills have increased. Again, I freely admit the weakness of this excuse.

So is there a solution? I have thought many times about giving up the game. After all, that would be a number of hours each week that would then be free for more productive tasks like study, music, and devotions. For me, this is unrealistic. I know that if I had that time free, I would just find other avenus of entertainment to fill it. Perhaps this is a weak excuse also, but I do like that WoW keeps track of my time played. I can (and do) pay close attention to this. I haven't worked out a healthy balance, but my goal is that as long as I am:

- Regularly spending times in devotions

- Giving Marcy her fair share of my time

- Spending time studying / preparing for ministry responsibilities

- Am working at a decent job (or working towards)

... as long as these are in place at healthy levels, then maybe WoW isn't such a bad thing. Its just an admission that instead of TV and other pointless entertainment, that WoW fills those spots and keeps track of the time played so hopefully I can maintain balance.

I wish I was the type of person that could schedule all of my 24 hours each day towards specifically productive tasks, but I know this is not possible. Hopefully as I mature I can grow closer to this, but I know from experience that if I do not have a few hours of entertainment each day, I quickly get depressed.

Things like WoW are very dangerous, because it is very easy to spend 10 hours a day. But if you can keep it in a health balance with your other responsibilities, and still feel satisfied with your level of productivity, I do think it is possible to be a WoW addict and still live a healthy life.

Of course.... this could just be denial :)

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Gratitude

God is really good.

I so rarely spend time reflecting on all the amazing blessings he has brought into my life. This is a brief blog to mention a few.

First, he blessed me with an amazing family. Sure, we have a lot of flaws, but fundamentally I have parents that love me, are godly, and have done their best to cherish me and raise me in a biblical way.

Second, he blessed me with an amazing wife. She is the most patient person I know, and she cares deeply about others. She also has a deep love for God that blows me away. And, although it is a bit shallow of me, she is also beautiful. When I think about the girls in my past that I was enamored with I realize again and again that God definitely knew what was best for me. I am totally undeserving of her.

Third, he has provided for me even in the most difficult of times. When I was a grad student, on many occasions we would make our budget each month against all odds and reason. Further, I have been unemployed for 2 weeks now, but he has been bringing in money to support us.

Fourth, he has blessed me with an amazing church to call a family. The people there love God, love community, love his truth, and love people. And for some reason, despite my failures and inadequacies, they keep asking me to be involved in ministries. I've grown so much in the last few years and have learned so much about God and what it means to minister to others.

Fifth, he has blessed me with safety. There have been a number of situations in my life where I was in danger, but he always brought me through it. We live in a world full of hatred, injustice, and natural disasters. We also live in a neighborhood that has a decent amount of crime, but he continues to keep us safe.

I could list a lot of other things, like being able to have a few really sweet toys, or being blessed with an education that lets me study his Word, or being able to enjoy music and art, or simply being able to eat food that I enjoy.

The real question is, how should I respond? Gratitude yes, but I think more. I think that because he has given so much, the very least I could do is respond by living a life that is pleasing to him. That is not why he blesses me, but I think it is the appropriate response. It is part of living in relationship with him.

I think also that my love for him shouldn't be contingent on these blessings. Sometimes God takes away his blessings for us to grow in our trust of him. I'm afraid I do not know how I would respond to that. I talked to somebody today who is loosing his home, his family has gone through multiple crises over the last several months, and his wife just lost a job. I do not know how I could handle that. I've felt some sense of loss in my struggle to find a job, but that hardly compares. Its easy to love God and be thankful when he gives, but how will I respond when he doesn't? Only time will tell, but I do know this: God is faithful. He will continue to carry me along and provide for needs. When he brings difficulty, he will sustain me as long as I hold on to him and trust him. That is what faith is: trusting God through difficult times. Holding on because you know that he is the only way.
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Battlestar Galactica

I love Battlestar Galactica... but normally not because it has a redeeming moral message, but rather the drama and action are amazing, the characters and plots / commentary on humanity facinating, and the show is so incredibly dark.

I just wanted to comment how awsome last Sunday's episode was though in its message about marriage.

Its been awhile since I saw anything TV/Movie related that had such a high view of marriage. The ep. was very counter cultural:
(spoilers for those who care)

Two main characters have had this love thing building from the beginning of the show, but one problem: they both are married. The last few ep.s they've been toying with an affair... you know, the popular idea of "go with your feelings", "follow your heart" etc. Basically, its okay that your married, you made a mistake but it would be worse not to follow your heart and be miserable the rest of your life.

Except this is not what they did.... the girl was all for the affair, the guy was one step away. It came down to a choice, and he ended up choosing to stay with his wife. This was in part to the advice of another main character: who pointed out that since he was married, he never looked back.

This was just incredible.... and the episode portrayed it as both were happier for staying with their spouse. Breaking their marraiges would have been destructive and ultimately made both unhappy. Further: the plot was believable. In a culture infatuated with our own selfish desires, this was a pretty amazing message.

Anyway... great drama, good values... that's all..
(besides... who knows, next week maybe it will all fall apart, but thats why I love the show!)

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Family

Had some thoughts while walking to work today, and decided I would share some of my feelings about family.

So... Family (said in a McKay sort of way, i.e. unstructured rant is forthcoming).

Basically, my folks are moving to Chicago in a week. This isn't a bad thing at all, but its starting to really hit me. Not that I won't have my parents around, but because I won't really have any family around.

Let me explain -- I have lots of aunts and uncles, more cousins than I can count (actually I could if I wanted)... etc. Problem is that I've only seen them a handful of times in my life. On top of that, most of them have such radically different lifes than me that it is very hard to relate. This distance can be seen in who attended my wedding. Out of most of the family, I think I'm one of the first to get married out of the cousins w/o children already being an issue. Yet, only my immediate family and my grandparents came. Invitations went out to others, but nonetheless, that was it. (and even moreso -- family that will read this blog are most likely either or both of my siblings, and my dad).

This is in stark contrast to Marcy's family. She is #12 of 13 siblings, and both her parents have big families. She has tons and tons of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. There are so many ppl in her family that its overwhelming... so many its hard to get to know them! (Ironically, the left half of the church was packed with siblings, cousins, and other relatives of Marcy.) So like, I go over to her house, and am lucky to say hi to most of the ppl there, wheras if she comes over to mine, 2 parents, 2 siblings.

Because of how small my family is, we are all very close. So what is frustrating is that my family already feels real small, because I'm so distant from so much of it. And now, w/ my folks and sister moving east, I fear the distance that will naturally occur there. Now my "family" is Marcy and Stephen. I almost want to extend the definition of family for myself to include close friends from school and church.

Anyway, all this to say -- despite differences, frustrations, etc., I'm beginning to realize the importance of cherishing family and building close bonds. Hopefully this loss will motivate me to grow closer to my new family, (i.e. Marcy's family).

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Nostalgia

I've been experiencing a lot of nostalgia lately. Maybe it is because I am back in school again (though I only took a year off!), maybe its just because it is fall.

It is not a feeling of desire for any particular time period of my life, just that distinct feeling that you associate with particular times of your life. Last week, I picked up a game I hadn't touched in years (StarCraft), and literally couldn't put it down for a few days straight. I had forgotten how much fun I had with that game, and how much of my first 2 years of collge centered around it (and surprisingly enough how many good friendships I developed in the dorm with fellow gamers).

I have been looking at a lot of pictures from my life back in Georgia lately. I wish I had more. What is funny about it is that most of my teen years I always was distracted with some minor difficulty, now I wish I had really enjoyed some of the experiences I had.

I wonder if in 10 years from now, I'll look back on my experience at Talbot with the same feeling. Perhaps I'll miss studying Hebrew paradigms, or debating over subtle nuances of Greek genitives. I guess I wonder if I think I missed out on enjoying life back then, am I really enjoying the abundance of blessings I have today (like being in school again, being involved in a church, having several solid friendships, and above all : having a godly wife!)?

Oh I forgot to mention -- part of this is because I have gotten into the "Christmas spirit" a bit early this year, probably because the weather finally has started to cool down a bit. Only relitively though.. gosh I miss the snow, the large amounts of rain, the really cold days, building fires in the fireplace, etc. Back in Georgia I could never have imagined why somebody would want to enjoy cold weather, or stand out in the rain with utter glee, or being put into a good mood by gloomy weather. It took coming to California to discover how wonderful these things are.

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